the UGLY truth about TODDLERS

Ugly Truth

Drunk people & toddlers are the two types of people that say it like it is. AMIRIGHT?! Well I witnessed the ugly truth today, REAL BAD. Caleb & I went out to take our daily trip to Target (don’t act like you’re not addicted either!). We are making our way to the escalators & we are roughly 30 feet away from them when the “IT” happens (as I like to call it). The “IT” being another person eyeballing the very same escalator as you but coming from the opposing direction. You start to quickly analyze their speed & your speed. Do I REALLY speed up my walking to get on the escalator first? Or should I be courteous & wave my arm in a polite manner to pass them ahead of me? Is it going to be an awkward run in where we get there at the same time & we both stand there like idiots enticing the other to take the first step?!?! So then you finally decide to take the first step… but then so do they sort of thing?! C’MON… YOU KNOW WE’VE ALL BEEN THERE.

Well at 30 feet away I start scoping, hardcore. I’m an anxious person so as little human interaction works best for me *lol*. I’m always trying to dodge people left & right! Ok, back to my story. At about 15 feet away I see a cute little old man, already smiling seeing Caleb walking towards him. I was trying to be polite (since he’s old), & decided to slow down even more to let him on the escalator first. Welllllll that didn’t work out like I’d imagined. He stood there at the base of the escalator entranced with Caleb & waiting to say something to him. You know when people are just waiting for you to get closer so they can say something like, “he’s so cute omg look at THAT hair!”!

That’s exactly what happened. The little old man said, “Oh my heavens look at this little cutie! What is your name? How old are you?”. You know, shit like that. He was extremely kind & genuine, & Caleb was all cute as hell talking & answering back politely. The polite banter eventually ends & we let the little old man on the escalator first. What’s the first thing I do??? Look at people’s feet. It’s a nasty habit, no pun intended. I hate feet, & I especially hate ugly feet :( No offense if you have them.

I won’t gross you out & get into the nitty gritty details of just how bad of shape his feet were in. He’s probably pushing 80, I get it. But they have closed toed shoes for that; you know what I’m saying? As I am holding Caleb’s hand while he stands beside me, I couldn’t take my eyes off the feet. I just couldn’t look away!! When I broke my gaze, I looked down at my side to see what Caleb was doing. I noticed his head is down looking in that direction as well. I start thinking to myself, “Is he looking at his feet too?? Is he thinking they are gross? Does he even know what gross feet are?!”.

I look back down to the feet.

Back to Caleb—who is still looking down in the direction of the feet.

*Longest escalator ride ever*

After Caleb broke his hard stare from the man’s feet, he looks up at me & moves his lips just slightly, but not saying anything. I sort of furrow my brow in confusion. He immediately looks back down to the poor little old man’s feet. Then back up at me. Jesus, it almost seems like he is going to say something about them!!!!!!!! My eyes LITERALLY become the size of golf balls & in slow motion I am shaking my head from side to side & mouthing, “NNNNNOOOO”. He looks like he understands me as we are basically playing silent charades now. Just to be safe, because this is a toddler with no filter, I literally do a “shhhh” movement with my index finger up to my mouth. I just get a strong feeling & it’s not good. All of a sudden & as clear as day… Caleb says, “Mommy, HIS FEET ARE GRRROOOSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!”.

Question answered: he does know what gross feet look like. FUCK.


Submitted by Sam (not verified) on Tue, 12/05/2017 - 20:57

I’m soooo glad I wasn’t there! FYI, I love feet so he didn’t get that from me! ?

Submitted by Best sister in… (not verified) on Tue, 12/05/2017 - 21:20

Freaking hilarious!!! I can sooooo see your face as Caleb says that!! Wish I could have actually been there to witness it!!

Submitted by Julie (not verified) on Wed, 12/06/2017 - 09:14

No way!! That’s crazy! Let’s hope the old man’s hearing sucked as much as his pedicure! Too funny!!

Submitted by Melanie (not verified) on Wed, 12/06/2017 - 14:28

I’m dying from laughter!!! Cute little Caleb!!! This is a cliff hanger. What was the man’s response?

Submitted by Genie (aka Ang… (not verified) on Thu, 12/07/2017 - 05:05

I really like this "feeture". Honest and hilarious at the same time. I think kids should be truthful and say what they are thinking. People can't do anything to them for speaking their mind.
Just don't look at my feet and make any negative comments, Caleb. Although that would de-feet the purpose, wouldn't it?
I 'll just wear clised-toed shoes. I can get to the escalator faster that way. Lol! Just kidding! ?

Submitted by A.Gilbert (not verified) on Thu, 01/18/2018 - 17:46

I’m legit DYING! My hubs hates gross feet too. He said the first thing he did when he met me was look at my feet then proceeded to flirtvavd ask me out Hahahaha!

Submitted by Katrina Yoneda on Fri, 01/19/2018 - 09:14

Hahahah oh my gosh girl I FEEL your hubby's pain!!! At least you have the stamp of approval ;) !!

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