Hopefully this will make you feel better about some of things your own kids say. Orrr it may make you feel better reading this if YOU’RE the person that kids point out in the grocery store?! This is a little list of quotes that I’ve collected for a while now. For your reading pleasure ;) Face of an angel, mouth of a sailor!!
“Mommy, where are you putting that tampon?!?!??”
“Daddy… daddy has big private… & mommy… mommy has teeny tiny private” uuuhhhhhh boy.
*pointing* “Is there a baby in her belly daddy??????” LOUDLY. Talking about the person standing in line behind us. Sadly, the answer was no :( FML
“You screwed up mommy.” Gee, thanks kid.
“C’mon fucking guy” 100% my bad; I may say that in the car. We’ve alllll been there amiright?! …RIGHT?!?!
“Mommy lift that, I want to see your privates!” 1) obvi NO, 2) he’ll be mortified reading that when he’s 17 years old.
“Mommy… his feet are UGLY!!!!!!” You guys know that story *eyeroll*
“BEER BEER BEER BEER BEER, I’m going to get some BEER!!!!” You can assume what aisle we were in at the grocery store.
“MOMMY DONT YOU PUSH ME!!!” Atttt the top of his lungs. While we were in a bathroom stall, AT THE MALL. To my defense, I did NOT push him!! 100% liar. Picture me in slow motion saving his life from touching the nasty f’ing public toilet seat. I don’t know , I “nudged” him out of the way. Certainly not a push hahaha!!
“Kiss my butt mommy” hmmm.
“Asshole is a bad word mommy???” *whispering it* Me: “it’s still a bad word if you whisper it Caleb.”
“Eww… what’s that on your face mommy?!” Me: “*sighs* A pimple. Thanks Caleb.”
“Mommy! I want a cock... tail!!!” *as I sat with bug eyes staring at his every word*
“DO YOU NEED TAMPONS MOMMY????” At the store. Yelling. Why is it kids only yell when it’s something inappropriate???
“I know I lived in your tummy mommy, but HOW did I get there??” *……………..crickets…….*
“Uhmmmm mommy is that a sir or a mam???!!!” :O
(Lady coughs 10 feet away from us in a grocery aisle) *Caleb immediately points at her, “GROSS GROSS GROSS!!” daaaaaamn kid!
Comments
Love love love this. This made my night <3
I seriously think you should do stand-up! Watch The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel on Amazon for inspiration.
Ohhhh Bruce, I don't know if I'm THAT funny hahah!!! But I'm loving this feedback ;) !
Hilarious. You’ll be happy to have written these down for posterity ?
Still L.A.U.G.H.I.N.G. ! ! !
Freaking hilarious ??
I am dying... I love every bit of this ???